My Sleep Fast

Tonight i sat down with Bible, notebook, Systematic Theology, two cans of Mountain Dew, and a bag of popcorn. My goal was to learn the truth of God’s will, sovereignty, and man’s choices, but what i got was SO MUCH MORE!*

I was raised in an Armenian church and adopted those beliefs without ever knowing that some Christians disagreed. In college i learned what it meant to be “Calvinist” or “Armenian” and through long talks, prayers, and Bible reading i got more questions instead of answers. What is free will? Are we puppets? What does it mean to be sovereign? How does God work out His plan? Do my choices matter? The list was endless.

Theology has always interested me, but in a sort of distant way, like politics or curling. It was fun to talk about and i always want to know the truth, but for the most part it doesn’t affect my day-to-day living. The only reason i struggled so long and hard over Calvinist vs Armenian is that i could see real ways that a differing view would affect my life. So i borrowed Systematic Theology from my friend, cracked open a Mountain Dew and started reading. It was good. It was very clearly written with TONS of Scripture reference (an essential for any theology discussion) and i learned a lot. The reading was accompanied by long periods of staring at the ceiling and a dull aching feeling from my brain cells.

After a few hours i had an extraordinarily accurate mental map of the ceiling and a fuzzy, out-of-focus glimpse of a theory on how God works. At the end of all the ideas and explanations (of which there were plenty) there was one remarkable section that i hadn’t expected. It was titled…actually the title is rather long and incoherent if you haven’t read the rest of the chapter. In essence it was titled “Do Calvinists live like Armenians?” The author went on to list a few significant ideas about which both sides agree: people are responsible for their actions, God answers prayer, proclaiming the Gospel leads to salvation, etc. In the next paragraph he listed ways in which differing theological views lead to different practical outcomes. I read through them… and realized he was wrong? It doesn’t make any sense BUT HE’S WRONG. By God’s ridiculous awesomeness, he’s WRONG!

Sorry, i got excited. Let me explain. The author is Calvinist so his list talks about the ways that Calvinist theology leads to greater peace, more thankfulness, more patience during trial, etc. I thought about my Armenian beliefs and realized that a change in them would give the opposite result or no change at all. Then i thought about the Calvinists i know. And the Armenians. They live the SAME! They all chase after God and their lives are the SAME!

The author quoted an Armenian guy who talked about the wrong living that would result from Calvinist thinking as well as his confession that that’s seldom, if ever, the case outside of theory. The author had his ideas about what would result from an Armenian viewpoint, and this quoted guy had his ideas about what would result from a Calvinist viewpoint, BUT THEY WERE BOTH WRONG! In real life the results are the same. How is that possible? How can two radically different views on the very essence of God and how the world works have the same practical outcome? GOD IS AWESOME!! It doesn’t make sense but for the grace of God. My mind is utterly blown.

*Disclaimer: i’m writing this at 5am on no sleep, two cans of Mountain Dew, and a whole lota God. There might be a few exclamation points and all caps. Just saying.

Apology

Dearest Bed,

Forgive me, for i have been unfaithful. I let that vile tempter, Caffeine, steal me away from your warm embrace. I believed its cruel lies, its promises of more time and increased productivity. I drank its poison and fell prisoner to its grasp. I wanted A’s, but received unproductive hours of distracted twitching. My body revolted. It knows you are my one true love and it punished my betrayal relentlessly. My stomach churned; my head throbbed, and my heart pounded as if to break  out of its cage. However great my pain, it was far less than i deserved. I deserted you, my beloved, and for that i am eternally sorry. Regret and repentance bleed from my very pores. The one thing i long for more than anything else, i cannot ask of you. No one can take your place and there is no other. To be wrapped in your thick blankets once more, my head laid upon your down pillow, it’s more than i can ask for, more than i deserve, but it’s all i want. You’re the only one forever. I’m sorry. I beg your forgiveness from the depths of my being. I am yours alone. Forgive me.

Becky

Why Christmas Frustrates Me

Christmas. That great time of year characterized by family gatherings, excellent food, beautiful decorations, and gifting. As far as i can tell we give gifts at Christmas to honor and remember God’s gift of Christ to us. Awesome! The problem comes when you take into account the fact that it’s people who are trying to give the gifts.

Fact: people in general aren’t particularly good at gifting.

In my selfishness i’m way more likely to know what i want or could use than what might make good gifts for my friends and relatives. Even if i do think of something good, what are the chances that it conforms to my rather restricted budget? Turns out the difficulties i run into with gifting are a bit on the common side and they’ve resulted in two main problems:

1. Buying bad gifts
How many Christmases have you had? And what percentage of the gifts you’ve received have gone unused, wasted, or stored away in some attic until the next Ebay purge? It’s a sad truth that a lot of  times people buy stuff that we don’t really want and can’t or won’t use. All this waste is bad economics 101. It’s also bad for the spirit, sowing discontent in the recipient and hurt feelings in the giver.

2. Asking for a list
Generally employed by parents and grandparents on children, this seemingly workable solution asks for all sorts of trouble. You, the loving parent, want to make your child happy and get him something he will love. You’re afraid of problem #1, especially seeing as the child probably isn’t mature enough to be understanding and accept bad gifts with thankfulness, so you just come right out and ask him what he wants. The child then sits there and thinks of all the things he doesn’t have that he would like to. Discontent much? Then on Christmas morning, since he told you what he wanted, he’s expecting some assortment of those items to be under the tree. If the new Legos  pirate ship was at the top of his list, there’s a pretty good chance there’s a new Legos pirate ship wrapped in pretty paper for him. You’ve just turned “God has blessed me, so i will bless others with voluntary giving” into an obligatory business transaction. You also taught your kid entitlement.

So what do i do with all of this? One half of me wants to rebel, to refuse to put up with the degradation of a holiday thatshould be awesome, that should be full of thanksgiving and general goodwill. I want to refuse to make a Christmas list, to tell people to just give cash to a charity instead (hmm that’s actually kind of a good idea). I mean it’s not like i actually need any more stuff in my life.

But the other half of me is more Ferengi-minded (read selfish). It thinks, “Hey these people want to spend money on me. It will make them happy to buy me stuff and they’re not likely to be sold on the charity idea, so i might as well get something good out of the whole deal.” This thought means that i go ahead and make the list; i get stuff that i probably would have bought eventually anyway, and the whole holiday turns into more of a filled order than an exercise in generosity and love.

Group Projects

College Top 20

This is the last night of my freshman year in college, and as such, i have decided to post some morsels of knowledge that i have collected throughout the year.

• The cheepest toilet paper is not the most economical.
• A Taco Bell #9 is a two-handed meal.
• Soap is an important part of doing laundry.
• A study buddy is the best way to stay motivated. (This also applies to gym buddies!)
• You can tell what kind of girl someone is by her reaction to two-fisted drinking.
• Having no one living beneath you is second only to having no one living above you.
• Some food items are perishable. These items are inferior and require special attention, so if given the option, always choose non-perishable food items.
• Take advantage of all your resources: never turn down food, money, friends, rides, or extra credit.
• Sleep is not as optional as you would like it to be.
• There are very few things important enough to warrant the use of an alarm clock, and none that require more than the vibrate function.
• Hammocks surpass even futons in the realm of excellent college furniture.
• It’s never a bad idea to walk past the kitchen.
• “I’m on a boat!” can be said every day for a week and still be funny.
• A hammock is the best sleeping surface; the sun is the best sleeping buddy, and the sound of crashing waves is the best lullaby.
• Cop stories are the closest thing to an infinite source of entertainment: everyone has at least one, and people are always collecting more.
• Never sleep in something you wouldn’t want to wear during a 1:20am fire drill.
• Empty sidewalks on the way to class are never a good sign.
• When entering extensive text online (such as in email or wikis), always be sure to hit copy before ‘send’ or ‘submit.’
• McMaster is a wonderful treasure trove of cameras and chainsaws.
• There’s no reason to sign a contract when a $10 go-phone works just as well.

Windows

Today i watched a squirrel build a nest in the tree right outside my window and thought about how fun it must be to leap between branches. Yesterday i watched a little girl push a stroller, a guy almost run a red light, and a dog get pulled away from what looked to be a particularly interesting telephone pole. Everyone should put his bed next to a window.

The Mom Restiction

When you live at home, you have a mom (or some equally parental figure who, for the sake of convenience, we will be calling “mom”). The tragedy of the mom is you don’t realize how awesome she is until she’s gone. Sure you notice the obviously awesome things like home-made cookies and kisses for your boo-boos, but today i missed a part of my mom that i had always looked forward to leaving behind.

As a child you are bound by the mom restriction. You want to go out and play, but mom says, “No you can’t; you have to do your homework first.” You want to go to a sleep over, but mom says, “No you can’t; you have responsibilities at home.” You hate this constraint as a kid and long for the freedoms of college and beyond. Today i missed the mom restriction.

As crazy as it sounds, friends understand the mom restriction. You want to play, but your mom won’t let you. It’s not your fault; it’s the tyranny of the mom. What happens when you don’t have a mom to blame anymore? “I can’t; i have to do my homework” or “I can’t; i have responsibilities at home” without the authority of mom sound empty and more like a blow-off. What they don’t understand is that it never really was mom who was restricting you, but reason and responsibility, and those don’t change with your address. I’m not any freer than i was at home; i just lost my scapegoat.

On Weight and Worth

A couple of weeks ago Jena took me Bible shopping because i have a horrible propensity for losing Bibles. (I’ve actually only lost two, but each caused a deep, aching pain, slow to heal.) I had narrowed the extensive selection down to two individuals when i posed the question to Jena: should i get the Life Application Study Bible, 5x7x1.5* and roughly four pounds, complete with concordance, maps, study notes, cross-references, biographies, and other miscellaneous tidbits, or should i get the compact NIV, 3.5×5.5x.5 and closer to one pound, that would fit in a purse, carry-on, camera backpack and other convenient locations?

After extensive debate, we decided on the giant study Bible. Last night i was able to experience both the pros and the cons of that decision and (happily) discover that the pros do outweigh the cons.

The cons presented themselves (really itself) as we walked the mile or so to church, then to Baker Bros, Russel, and finally back to Maxcy. It wasn’t too heavy to carry, but it was bulky and awkward especially when trying to assemble dinner at Russel. While we were eating dinner, however, the verse on wives submitting to their husbands was brought up, and Jena, Becca, and i were unable to recall the exact instructions for husbands. This question led me to the concordance to look up “submit” and locate Colossians 3:18. This was unfortunately not the passage Stephen was referring to, though it was the only one on that topic under “submit.” Undeterred, i checked the study notes at the bottom of the page in Colossians. There it reiterated the passage and referenced Ephesians 5:21-6:9 for similar instructions. In Ephesians Paul writes that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the Church. Success! Knowledge is worth the weight.

Side Note: I wonder if this is how people learned stuff before google?

*All measurements are estimates from memory and may bear only a fleeting resemblance to reality.